Goodbye Until Tomorrow
by c. anna cullen
Summary: Soul mates or not, love does not always go according to plan. My entry for the Black Balloon Contest. AH, EPOV, rated MA for lemons


**The Black Balloon Contest**

**Title: Goodbye Until Tomorrow**

**Your pen name: c. anna cullen**

**Characters: Edward/Bella**

**Disclaimer: All characters are owned by the fabulous Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.**

_**A/N**_

_**Firstly, hats off to the fabulous (Darth) Beta, Jenn. Thank you so much, darling!**_

_**This is my o/s for the Black Balloon Contest. It's MA. If you're under 18 or sensitive, please hit that little red 'X' in the top right corner. EPOV and AH**_

_**This story is set up in a slightly unusual format. It is a series of snapshots of Edward and Bella's relationship over a period of around two years. There are intervals ranging anywhere from a few weeks to several months in between sections.**_

_**Alright, bring on the angst…**_

I watched the silver ring dance before my eyes as tears came rushing on. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat and fought the tears with every ounce of my being but it was useless. My cheeks were already damp even as I attempted to drag my gaze away from the ring. The pain was too much. I couldn't bear it any longer, but I could not tear my eyes from it. The small diamond was so much less than she deserved, but it was all that four months worth of saving could afford. The white gold band with the inscription _you are my life now_ on the inside glinted in the sun. But that life was over now. I knew this now, knew it more completely than I had known anything in my 24 years.

My chest felt as if it would break in two and finally, unsure of another choice, I embraced the darkness that threatened to engulf my chest. Turning away from the wedding ring that was the only piece left of she who had been my joy, my breath, my life, I walked away.

_**Two years earlier**_

__"My God." My breath caught in my throat and my eyes widened in awe. Her long dark waves set off the dazzlingly white dress perfectly. The excitement had flushed her pale cheeks to a delicate shade of rose and her chocolate brown eyes sparkled as she made her way towards me on his arm. She looked so perfect; it literally took my breath away.

"Breathe, Edward." Emmett's voice in my ear broke the spell and I subconsciously straightened as Charlie offered me her arm. I whispered "I love you," before giving her a quick kiss beneath her ear and leading her up to Pastor Webber.

"Edward?" I looked up to see her smiling in the doorway.

"Good morning, Mrs. Cullen." She giggled at her new name before padding across the room to plant herself in my lap. I welcomed her with a long passionate kiss and my hands crept down to her bare ass underneath the thin tee shirt that made up her entire outfit. "How did _you_ sleep?"

"I don't believe I got much sleep last night," I whispered in her ear as my lips danced down her neck and across her throat. She moaned sweetly and began planting kisses in my chestnut hair as my hands found their way to her belly and then further up. As I moved to the other side of her neck, I felt her lips on my ear. She tugged at it playfully and before she could react, I was out of the chair and had swept her up into my arms.

She squealed in delight and smacked me on the shoulder in delight. "Edward! What are you doing?" She modestly tried to pull the shirt down to cover her bum, but I wasn't having any of that.

"I'm sorry. Lack of sleep makes me do crazy things." I covered her neck with kisses and felt my groin tighten as she flushed beneath my lips. _God, she's beautiful._

"Sounds like you should go back to bed," she said sternly.

"Immediately," I agreed and I quickly carried her across the suite and into the bedroom. I set her down next to the monstrous king size bed. She was trembling with anticipation as I reached for the hem of her tee shirt. I pulled the shirt off in one fell swoop and threw it to the floor. My eyes roamed, admiring every inch of her creamy skin. Her gaze fell to the floor as I took her beauty in. I quickly propped her chin up so our eyes met.

"Isabella Marie Cullen, you are the most beautiful woman in the world. Don't ever let anyone ever tell you different." She flushed again and the soft rose color against the ivory backdrop was more than I could handle. I pulled her to me and crushed her mouth against mine. I buried one hand in the long dark waves that fell down her bare back while the other cupped her ass and pulled her in closer. I heard her gasp as my robe fell open and she felt my erection pressing against her.

I pulled away gently and let the robe fall to the floor. I watched the blood creep into her cheeks yet again, as she caught side of my dick, fully erect.

I picked her up and set her on the bed. I pushed her gently so that she lay back and my lips were at hers again. Kissing her long and hard, I did my best to convey every ounce of need that coursed through my body.

When I broke away, she cried softly in protest, but I didn't know how much longer I would be able to resist taking her. I made my way down her neck and across her throat again before moving to her breast. My tongue ran around her nipple and I began teasing it with my thumb and forefinger. It hardened under my touch and my lips soon found her other nipple. I pulled and sucked at it until she tensed and her body bucked against me.

I smiled then ran the tip of my nose down her belly, just grazing her skin. She gasped and I watched goose bumps rise as her skin reacted to my soft touch. I made my way further down.

"Edward." I heard her protest and ignored it. I slowly slid off the black lace thong (a gag gift from her sister that I had insisted we make use of) and threw it next to the robe. Bella propped herself up on her elbows. "Edward, you don't have to-"

Placing one finger over her mouth, I cut her off. I stared into her eyes as I ran my thumb down her slit. I watched her breathing increase and she bit her lip. When I reached her entrance, I slid my thumb in slowly and she moaned. I finally freed her from my gaze and as I moved my thumb in and out of her, she dropped back to the bed.

"Edward." Her voice was nearly inaudible as my mouth found her most sensitive spot. She cried aloud as my tongue danced with her clit. I pulled with my thumb out and replaced it with two, then three fingers. She began whimpering as I pumped faster and deeper. Finally, her back arched and she gave one last cry as the orgasm overtook her.

"Edward." I kissed her belly as she murmured my name. My cock ached for her as she ran her fingers over my stomach. Her eyes were fluttering; she was still lost in the pleasure. I wanted her, _needed_ her but I waited. Lying on the bed beside her, I buried my face in her hair. I inhaled her sweet scent while giving her a few minutes to come back down. I was so lost in her intoxicating aroma, I cried aloud in surprised pleasure when her fingers wrapped around my dick.

I clung to her, my breathing quickening in time with her strokes. Her mouth found my nipple and I groaned, unable to hold off any longer. I pulled her the rest of the way onto the bed and then slowly nudged her legs apart. I made my way to her sex and whispered, "I love you, Bella Cullen," before entering her. She cried out for me and I slowly increased my speed. My mouth found hers and I gently caressed her tongue with mine. We were both gasping for air as the kiss broke and I rested my forehead on hers. We gazed into each other's eyes, unable to look away, as we consummated our new marriage.

Her teeth on my bottom lip made me thrust harder and my name burst from her lips yet again as I propped her leg up and sought to go deeper. I knew we were close and I exhaled sharply as I felt her orgasm.

"Bella!" I screamed her name as I came deep inside of her, moments later. Lost in the throes of pleasure, I collapsed beside her on the bed. She rolled over to face me and we both lay there panting and looking at each other.

"I love you." The words fell from both our mouths simultaneously and I chuckled. Reaching over, I swept a damp tendril away from her face.

"I _do_ love you, Bella. And I promise to love you forever — every single day of forever," I said quietly. She opened her mouth to reply, but was overcome and nothing came out. She immediately moved in closer to me and curled herself up against my side. I wrapped my arm around her, holding her tightly to me as I kissed her gently on the top of her head. Her eyelids fluttered and it was not long before her breathing slowed and she slept on my chest.

Her milky breast rose and fell and I was overwhelmed by the fact that I was watching my _wife_ sleep. _She's mine. She's actually mine._ I felt my eyes grow moist as the realization that this beautiful, talented, smart, wonderful, loving woman had promised to spend forever with me.

_Every single day of forever, Bella._

••••••••

"Bella! Have you seen my green tie? Damnit!" I swore under my breath as I dug through the closet. _I do not have time for this!_ I had a presentation this morning and I was already late. "BELLA!"

"It's right here." I spun around to see her standing in the doorway, my blasted tie in her hand. "Breathe, Edward. You'll do fine."

I snatched the tie from her hand a little too forcefully and gave her an apologetic look.

"I know. I know." I sighed, threw the tie around my neck and began fumbling with it. Bella smiled, brushed my fingers away and tied a single Windsor knot quicker than any woman should be able to. "Thank you. I just… I need this promotion, Bella. _We_ need this." Her face fell to the ground and I cursed myself silently.

"Listen, Bells, don't. Please. We'll be okay. You'll find a job soon, honey. And if I can get this promotion…" Bella had not found a job after graduating from WSU and though my job paid fairly well, money was tight. Her eyes were still staring at my shoes and I immediately pulled her chin up. Looking into her beautiful brown eyes, I said, "Isabella Cullen, I love you," before planting a kiss on her forehead.

"I love you, too." She gave me a tired smile, and then wrapped her arms around me. I buried my face in her soft hair, and wished I could stay there forever.

I caught sight of the alarm clock next to our bed. "Oh shit, I'm supposed to meet Irina in twenty minutes. I have to go." I broke the embrace and headed out of our bedroom.

"Irina? What happened to Mike?" She asked as she followed me into the kitchen and watched me grab my briefcase.

"The boss wants me to team up with Irina on this one. He says 'Our styles are complimentary', whatever the hell that means," I muttered. I saw something flicker across her face but it was gone before I could identify it.

"Will you be home for lunch?" she asked hopefully.

"I don't think so, honey," I replied. "Irina wants to go over the Dunforth file again." I rolled my eyes. "We'll probably work through lunch." She looked crestfallen so I quickly grabbed her and kissed her hard. "I love you."

"I love you, too." I allotted myself one last look into her eyes before heading off to work.

••••••••

"No, that's ridiculous, Irina. We cannot show _that_ to the clients." I felt the grin spread across my face as I wrenched my fingers through my hair.

"Oh c'mon, Edward. It would certainly stand out." Irina laughed and leaned into me. I immediately shifted my weight to increase the distance between us. Irina seemed to have a different concept of personal space than most people and sometimes it unnerved me. She was the top employee in our advertising firm, though, and I was lucky to have her as a partner. Working with her was the extra oomph I needed to get up the ladder.

_A year, tops, and we'll be able to buy a house. Maybe if we can just get out of that tiny, stuffy apartment, if we just have some room to breathe, things will get better. Bella will have a new house to decorate. It'll be a distraction from her job search. Things will be okay._ I looked up from my internal reverie to find Irina staring at me. I didn't have time to wonder about it; we both jumped as the shrill sound of my cell phone filled the conference room.

"Damnit. Sorry. I'll be right back." I grabbed the phone and walked out of the room before answering. The hallway was dark and quiet as I glanced at my phone. With the exception of the security guard, Irina and I were the only ones left in the building. _Bella. Shit._

"Hello?" I tried to keep my voice from being defensive.

"Edward?"

"Hi, sweetie. What's up?" I asked. I tried to sound nonchalant and lighthearted but I could hear the fight in her voice.

"You were supposed to be here for dinner. Alice is here. I've made steaks and potatoes, your favorite." I groaned silently. Alice was Bella's older sister and I fucking hated her. Bella had admitted to me two weeks after we were married that Alice had told her, on our _wedding_ day, no less, that Bella and I were not destined to be together. Destined! Like she was some goddamn psychic reading our fucking auras or something. Alice had been a thorn in my side since the day I fucking met her and Bella had this annoying habit of believing every little thing that came out of her mouth. There wasn't a chance in hell that I was rushing home to dinner with _her._

"Oh, no! Baby, I'm so sorry. We had a last minute change. They moved the Mackintosh pitch up to tomorrow so we had to work late," I lied smoothly.

"We?" I could hear the suspicion on her voice. _ Careful, Edward._

"Uh, yeah. The team is here. We're just tweaking the details for the presentation." _Maybe not the whole team…_

"Oh," she paused. "Is Irina there?" _Fuck. Of course, she _would_ ask._

Irina and I had partnered on several projects over the past six months. Some days, it felt like I spent more time with her than I did with Bella. Bella had met Irina at a company open house and immediately informed me that Irina was attracted to me. I had scoffed at the idea. Irina had a boyfriend. I had a beautiful wife. We were partners and nothing more, but Bella did not like the woman.

Bella had begun to grow resentful that I spent so much time at work and though she would never admit it, I knew she felt threatened by Irina. I had no interest in her, and I tried, I really did try, to remind Bella constantly that I loved her more than life itself, that Irina was just a co-worker to me. It was frustrating all the same: the endless questions, the searching looks, the need to declare myself constantly. I had never done anything to breech Bella's trust in me, but lately it felt like I had to work a little bit harder to keep that trust.

"Irina _is_ a part of the team." I tried to keep the attitude out of my voice but it leaked in anyway. Bella fell silent on the other end. "Look, Alice will be much happier with me not there anyway."

"God, I don't know why you two can't just get along. You're both adults," she snapped.

"_I'm_ an adult," I said under my breath.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? What? Because you wear a suit to the office or because you have a college degree, this makes you _more_ of an adult than my sister? Seriously, Edward, you know-"

"I do not have time for this, Bella. I'm sorry, but I will not be there for dinner. I'll be home late. Don't feel you need to wait up." I hit the _End_ key and cursed.

"Stupid, Edward. Stupid." I hated Alice for throwing logs on the fire and here I was handing her some fucking lighter fluid. I was sure there would be a bitchfest of epic proportions about what a horrible husband I was. _Oh, _and_ you hung up on her. Smooth, you dumb shit._

I rested my forehead against the wall and began rhythmically banging it over and over. "Stupid, stupid, stupid." I had almost made up my mind to call Bella back and apologize, maybe even rush home and put up with the evil sister-in-law for an evening when Irina's voice made me give pause to my head-banging episode.

"Edward? Edward!" She called excitedly. "I got it! Oh my God! It's perfect. Get in here! This is it. It's exactly what we need to win this account!"

"You got it? Oh, thank Christ!" I rushed back into the room, all thoughts of Bella put aside.

••••••••

"I suppose _she'll_ be there." I tried to rein in my temper as her icy words threatened to unhinge me.

"Of course, she'll be there. She's my partner, Bella. Look, I have told you, again and again-"

"Yeah, yeah." She cut me off and walked over to the stovetop to put the kettle on.

"You could go. Some of the others are bringing their spouses." I hadn't told her this before now. Some part of me had wanted, no, _needed_ a night off from our constant bickering, even if it was for a long and boring business dinner.

"I wouldn't want to embarrass you." She shot me a scathing look.

"What? Bella, what is wrong? Why are you-"

"It doesn't matter," she said glumly.

"Obviously, it matters." I threw my briefcase back onto the table and winced as the sound echoed through the tiny apartment.

She shook her head but refused to face me or give me an answer. _This is so goddamn frustrating!_

"Bella, I can't read your mind. You have to tell me what you're thinking. If you have something to say, just say it already!" She remained silent and continued to play with the kettle. I was near my breaking point as I wrenched my hands through my hair. "God Damnit, Bella. What the fuck is your problem? You sit around here all day while I'm at fucking work and then I have to come to your-"

"I _sit around_ all fucking day?" She spun around, fire in her eyes. "Is that what you think I do? Sit on the couch and eat bon-bons?"

"I don't know what the fuck you do because you never fucking talk to me!"

"You're never fucking home to talk to!" she screamed.

"Well, one of us has to pay the goddamn bills, Bella!" I knocked my briefcase off the table and into the wall in frustration before dropping into one of the dining room chairs. I buried my face in my hands and tried to get my temper under control. She had fallen silent again and when I looked up, her face had gone void of emotion.

"So, that's what it comes down to," she said quietly. "Fucking Bella. Unemployed. Couldn't get a job to save her fucking life. I get it. I'm a disappointment. I'm not good enough for you." She gave up on the tea and headed for our bedroom. I made to follow her.

"Bella, wait. That's not what I meant. It came out wrong. Bells, hold on-"

"Just…get out, Edward. Go. You're going to be late for your fucking dinner." She stopped in the doorway to our bedroom and turned to face me. In a sickly sweet voice she said, "Irina's waiting," before slamming the door.

"Bells," I called as I heard the lock click. "God Damnit, Bella…fuck!" I slammed both hands against the bedroom door and heard the wood creak ominously. "Jesus fucking Christ."

She was right about one thing. I was going to be late. I continued spewing a string of profanities as I grabbed my jacket and headed for the door.

When I reached the car, I tried her cell phone but she refused to answer. I didn't bother leaving a message. She would have likely erased it without listening to it anyway. About a mile from the restaurant, my cell phone rang and I answered it immediately.

"Bella?"

"Uh, no. It's Emmett. What's up, little bro?"

"Nothing," I said disappointedly. "What's going on with you?"

"What's the matter, Edward?" Emmett paused. "Did you have another fight with Bella?"

"We don't do much else these days."

"Man, what is going on with you two?"

"I just…I can't take this. I'm working 50, sometimes 60 hours a week. I'm trying to make a life for us and she just doesn't understand that. I want to be able to buy a house and have kids, you know?"

"She hasn't found a job yet?"

"No," I said quietly, remembering my comments earlier in the evening. "I'm not helping much in that department. It's not like I mean to bug her about it, Emmett. I'm just so fucking tired all the time. I bust my ass all day and come home to accusations of affairs and-"

"Affairs? Who the fuck does she think you're sleeping with? And when would you have time to do that anyway?" I pulled into the restaurant, parked and shut the car off.

"It's my partner at work. Bella is convinced that Irina is attracted me and wants to break up our marriage. She hasn't come right out and said it but I know she thinks we're having an affair."

There was silence on the other end before Emmett asked, "Are you?"

"No!" I snapped. "Jesus Christ, Emmett. I could never want anyone but Bella."

"Alright, alright. But is your partner attracted to you? Women tend to be right about that sort of thing. If Bella thinks she's attracted to you, she probably is."

"Yeah…yeah, I think she is," I finally admitted, resting my forehead on the steering wheel. "I catch her staring at me a lot and…oh, shit, Emmett. What the hell am I going to do?"

"I don't know, baby brother, but you better do it fast."

"I know."

I hung up with Emmett and tried Bella again. No answer.

Two hours later, I had called sixteen times and each time had gotten no answer. By the ninth call, in desperation, I had begun leaving voicemails, to no avail.

By the time I made it home, I had begun to panic. _What if something happened to her? What if she's hurt? _I pulled into the lot of our apartment building and ran up the three flights of stairs to our apartment. I quickly let myself in and searched the apartment. Our bedroom door was still closed so I hurried over but found it still locked.

I turned around, desperately trying to remember where we kept the various apartment keys, and saw what I had missed on my first search of the place. A pillow, a blanket and a set of my pajamas had been thrown haphazardly onto the couch. I sighed deeply. I had spent more time on the couch than in our bed this past month. I removed my jacket and threw it on the coffee table. I sat down heavily on the couch and dropped my head into my hands. _Why can't I make this work?_

••••••••

I took a deep breath and slowly began packing my briefcase. I had finished work early and would be home at a decent time for once. Still, I dragged my feet. I shut down each individual system on my computer, instead of just turning the damn thing off which I occasionally did. I straightened every item on my desk. I packed and re-packed my briefcase. I loved Bella, I really did, but sometimes…a lot of the time actually, going to work was a relief.

Our apartment had become a war zone. Even when Bella finally found a job, albeit a temp one, we found other things to fight about: my job, bills, where to buy a house. It was as if fighting was all we knew how to do together anymore. I didn't even know who she was now.

Finally, I couldn't delay my departure any longer. I sighed heavily, picked up my briefcase and headed back into battle.

"I didn't think you'd actually be home, so I didn't make dinner," Bella remarked as I walked in.

"That's fine," I said, throwing my briefcase on the kitchen island. She shot me a scathing look but I ignored it and left the bag there. _Edward-1, Bella-0,_ I thought sarcastically.

"Your _partner_ called." Her lip curled as she sneered at me. "She wanted to know if you were still at the office or if you'd left already."

"Well, then I guess you know I wasn't fucking her tonight," I shot back, opening the fridge to scour up some food.

"Jesus, you're such an asshole."

"_I'm_ an asshole? For being a faithful husband?"

"She wants you." Bella crossed her arms, leaned against the kitchen counter and surveyed me.

"Bella, I can't help what other people want or do! I have no control over her." I slammed the fridge door shut and turned to face her. "I have _never_ cheated on you." I stared at her for a moment so she could assess the truthfulness in my eyes before turning back to the fridge. "Even when I wanted to," I added under my breath. I saw shock and pain cross her face and immediately regretted it. _Oh, fuck, Edward. Why did you just say that?_ But deep inside, some part of me replied smugly, _Edward-2, Bella-0._

She shook her head and turned away from me to hide the tears I knew would be threatening her eyes. Bella always cried when she was emotional, even when she was mad. The first few months, her tears had always diffused the fight in me. Now, it just irritated me.

"And how often have you wanted to, Edward?" she asked quietly, still facing away from me.

"Bella." I wanted to tell her that I had never wanted to, that I had never had eyes for another woman. She was my one and only, my soul mate. I wanted to share everything with her, this lifetime and every lifetime hereafter. I wanted to feel my child growing within her belly. I wanted to grow old with her. I still wanted every single day of forever, but I couldn't remember _how_ to be with her anymore. _If I could just remember that_… I opened my mouth to tell her all these things and more but I couldn't form the words.

"Bella," I began again. She looked at me expectantly and as I gazed into the brown eyes, I thought of a hundred reasons to tell her everything…but I didn't. "Bella, I…I can't do this anymore." My eyes fell to the floor and my mind screamed for me to take it back, but I couldn't get the words out. I couldn't make my mouth work.

"I know," Bella's quiet calm voice broke me apart. "This isn't working, Edward. I…" She glanced up at me, desperation in her eyes, but she, too, fell silent. We stood there in the kitchen, each waiting for the other to speak, but it seemed we had finally run out of words.

After a few minutes, Bella straightened and headed for the bedroom. Overcome, I took a seat at the table and put my head down. I heard her moving around in the bedroom. I stayed where I was when she came out into the kitchen area. I heard a small clink before the front door opened and closed and I was alone.

I sat there, listening to the silence, trying to comprehend what had just happened. Finally, I couldn't take it any longer. I rose and walked back into the kitchen. Some part of me hoped that she would still be standing there, that she had changed her mind. The room was empty and cold. A glint from the kitchen counter caught my eye. Lying on the island was Bella's wedding ring.

The shiny white gold and the tiny diamond had caught the last ray of sunshine coming in through the window. I felt the tears on my cheeks before I realized I was crying. _It's over. It's actually over._ Bella had left and taken my future with her. My eyes were drawn to the ring, though it tore me apart it see it off her finger. I finally looked away, hoping this would lessen the pain in my chest but it was no use. She was gone. I turned and walked away.

••••••••

"Mike. I need the notes you took in the meeting, yesterday." He looked at me with concern on his face, but quickly handed me the file.

"Hey, Edward, a few of us are going for a drink after work tonight. You should come."

"No, thanks. I have plans." My voice sounded hollow even to me, as I lied straight-faced. Tonight, as I did most nights, I would go home, look around the apartment and try and remember how Bella looked in various spots, how her hair smelled, the softness of her skin, her smile, her laugh. My divorce had been final only a few hours. _Irreconcilable differences. What the fuck does that even mean?_ Neither of us had contested, and it was Bella's lack of opposition that hurt me the most.

I still loved her. I knew this, but I had no idea how to tell her. I loved her, needed her, saw only darkness in a future without her. But if she could be happy without me, was it better for me to let her go? I fought the pain that threatened to engulf me.

"Are you sure?" Mike's presence pulled me out of my internal wallowing and I nodded, unable to speak for the lump in my throat.

He shrugged and left my cubicle. I opened the file and tried to focus on the notes. I had read the same page three times and absorbed nothing, when a knock on my cubicle wall freed me from my sad attempt at work.

"Hey, Edward." Irina walked in and leaned against my desk.

"Hi," I responded numbly.

"How are you doing?" Irina was one of the few people at work who knew of my recent divorce. My frequent absences for meetings with lawyers and court proceedings had necessitated telling her. After working together so long, she had known something was wrong anyway.

"I'm alright. I'm looking over Mike's notes from yesterday." I gestured to the file.

"Oh, okay," she said apathetically. "Hey, listen. You've been through a lot lately. I want you to know I'm here for you." She squeezed my arm affectionately. Her hand lingered and glanced up at her. "If you ever need to talk, we could go out to dinner and just chat, Edward, or-"

"Are you asking me out?" I asked incredulously.

"Well, I know you'll probably need some time to heal, Edward-"

"Time to…" I stared at her in shock. _Jesus, Bella was right. She is un-fucking-believable._ "Irina, I love my wife and-"

"_Ex_-wife, Edward."

My jaw dropped as she corrected me and I ripped my arm away from her. I stood up and grabbed my jacket. I walked out of the cubicle but stopped a few feet down the hallway and turned back to face her. "You could never even _begin_ to compare with Bella," I said before striding out of the office.

••••••••

I grabbed a couple of frozen meals and threw them into my basket. _Reheated Salisbury steak. Yum,_ I thought sarcastically before heading towards the end of the aisle.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and surprised I pulled it out. _Irina-fuck. Will you please stop calling? _I had half a mind to change my phone number. I shook my head, dropped the phone back into my pocket and tried to remember what else I needed.

"Milk and bread," I muttered to myself. "Oh and peanut butter. Milk, bread, peanut butter." I was so absorbed in my shopping list that I nearly collided with a woman rounding the corner. I caught sight of her chocolate brown eyes and my heart skipped a beat.

"Bella," I breathed.

"Edward?" She looked up at me in surprise. We stared at each other for a brief moment before she broke eye contact. "Um, how, how have you been?"

_Horrible! _I wanted to scream. _I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I miss you. I need you. Please…_

"Alright," was the best that I could come up with. "How are you? Are you still at Alice's?"

"Uh, yeah. Until I find my own place, you know?" I nodded and she continued. "How's the apartment?"

_Empty. Lonely. Hell without you._ I had a thousand responses. "Fine," I said quietly. "Bella." _Tell her! Just fucking say it, Edward._ But I couldn't form the words and I just stared at her numbly.

"Yes?" She looked at me, waiting patiently for me to continue.

"Well, I, uh," I began. I felt my breathing quicken and finally, in desperation, I managed to spit out, "You left some stuff." Confusion crossed her face and I went on. "At the apartment, I mean. You left some of your things. If you want them, you could come over or I could meet you somewhere. We could have coffee or something." I dropped my gaze to the Lean Cuisines in my basket, steeling myself for an outright rejection and the angry words I deserved.

"Oh, yeah. Yeah we could-"

"Bella! I found it!" Bella was interrupted by Alice who came bounding around the corner with a jar in her hand. She stopped short when she saw me. "What are _you_ doing here?" she asked, her words dripping with contempt.

"Shopping," Bella answered for me and I was surprised by her forceful tone as she glared at Alice.

"Yeah, I, I should probably go," I muttered. Bella's expression changed as I spoke. My heart leapt as I swore I saw disappointment flicker across her face.

"Yeah, you probably should," Alice said icily. Bella gave her another scathing look as I turned to leave.

_God, you're a fucking moron, Edward. _I willed myself to walk casually away from the two sisters. Once I was out of sight, I was fairly sure I would drop the basket and run as far from the place as possible.

"Edward?" I was halfway down the aisle, when the most beautiful sound in the world, my name on her lips, caused me to turn back. I felt my heart pounding in my chest. "Um," she paused, "I'll call you…about the stuff." I was so mesmerized by her beauty; I couldn't answer so I just nodded. As I left, I felt a glimmer of hope begin to grow somewhere in the blackness.

••••••••

"No, I'm pretty sure that ugly ass stuffed animal is yours. I think I won it for you at that carnival in Seattle."

"_You_ won it. I think you should keep it as a trophy, a symbol of your astounding talent." Bella laughed. _There. That laugh. That's what I've been missing in this fucking place. _Bella's laughter filled the tiny apartment we had shared and my heart ached at the beauty of the sound.

"No, no, really. I want you to have it. I insist." I grinned at her as she set the hideous alligator on the kitchen counter.

"For what? A keepsake of better times?" She meant it as a joke, but we both fell silent and the air grew heavy.

"Bells, what happened to us?" I finally asked. I heard the pain leak into my voice. I knew she would hear it too but I didn't care anymore. My life had been darkness since I'd lost her, a black hole, a moonless night. I could not sink any further down.

"I don't know, Edward." Bella's voice was soft and filled with pain as well. "Life got in the way, I guess."

"Why? Bella, I…" I tried to respond but failed yet again. _Say it, Edward. For fuck's sake!_ "I still love you."

She smiled sadly. "I know."After a brief pause that felt like a fucking millennium, I finally heard the words my heart had longed for every second of every day since the night she walked out. "I love you too, Edward." Every cell in my body screamed for joy.

"Could we…" I began tentatively.

"I don't know, Edward. You….I… Edward I was a fucking mess for months, _Months._" She broke off. "Listen, I have to go. Thanks for my stuff back." She patted the alligator and then made her way to the doorway. "I'll call you," she said before leaving the apartment.

I felt my breathing increase to near hyperventilation as I was, once again, alone in the apartment. Instead of a diamond ring, I had been left behind with a stuffed alligator. I dropped to my knees and felt my body start to shake with sobs.

Like her presence which was always there, reminding me of all I'd lost, her name echoed through the apartment over and over. I realized as my vision blurred that it was me saying it in between sobs. _I need her. I need her. I almost had her and I've lost her again._ I curled up in a ball in the middle of the kitchen floor, and stayed there, sobbing and rocking, until Emmett found me four hours later.

••••••••

"Edward, I don't think this is a good idea," Emmett warned.

"Emmett." I held up my hand and motioned for him to shut up.

"Edward."

"Seriously, Emmett, what is your problem? Don't you want me to be happy?"

"Happy? Edward, you may or may not remember, but I was the one who found you three days after she left you. You had locked yourself into this damn apartment. You hadn't eaten. You hadn't slept. You hadn't showered for three fucking days!" He sighed. "Edward, I don't think you'll be able to handle it if-"

"If what? Emmett, this is dinner. That's all. We're not re-writing our vows and making guest lists for another wedding. It's just dinner."

"You _want_ it to be more than that, Edward." Emmett's eyes pleaded with me. "Whether you'll admit it or not, I know you want her back_. _I've known that all along."

"I just…I need to know. If she's not interested, if she thinks it won't work…" I broke off, unsure of what I would do when Bella finally cut the cord and realized she didn't need me anymore. I hoped that she wanted to try again but I was terrified that she really just felt sorry for me. It was in Bella's nature to be maternal and put others first. But her presence, platonic or not, was nursing my addiction. I needed her there in order to breathe, to smile, to live. She was like a drug to me and I knew my life, the life I had chosen, depended on her. I could not live in a world where she did not exist.

"If she isn't interested?" Emmett stared at me.

"She is," I whispered more to myself than him. "I think she is… I need her to be, Em." I could feel the tears threatening me again. Poor Emmett had found his dumb baby brother blubbering more times than either of us could count since my marriage had fallen apart. No wonder he was so damn worried.

"Edward, please," he begged quietly. "Take a few days and think about it. Come stay with Rose and I. Get the hell out of this place."

"Emmett, I can't _not_ try." I hoped he would understand but he just shook his head.

"I love you, baby brother. I hope you know what you're doing." He offered me a sad smile and clapped me on the shoulder before turning to go.

I watched him leave and sat there in silent contemplation for a few minutes before I caught the time on the oven clock. _Bella! Oh, God. She's going to be here any minute._ I rushed off to finish getting ready.

••••••••

"Are you alright?" I asked tossing another piece of bread to the duck that was inching closer, but eyeing me warily.

"I had a fight with Alice this morning," Bella admitted. "She doesn't think this is a good idea."

"I don't doubt it," I replied, surprising myself a little with the lack of anger in my voice as I spoke of Bella's sister. Bella, expecting a bitter response, chastised me anyway.

"Edward-"

"No, really, I understand." I turned towards her. "Emmett feels the same way. He gave me a big brother lecture before our dinner a few weeks ago."

We sat in silence watching the ducks and after only a few moments, the first of the raindrops fell. "Uh-oh," I muttered.

Bella laughed as I looked at the sky with trepidation. "This _is_ Washington, Edward. The sun's been out for nearly twenty minutes. That's almost a record. We're due for rain."

The skies broke before she could finish her sentence. She squealed and jumped to her feet. The ducks were long gone as I rose unwillingly to follow Bella. Our afternoon had been cut too short.

It was three blocks to the apartment and though we ran the whole way, we were both drenched when we stepped inside.

Bella was giggling and she stood there in the middle of the kitchen, shaking and dripping. She smiled at me and suddenly I saw her: the Bella I loved with all my heart and soul, the Bella I had married, the Bella I had made love to and cuddled with and laughed with. _The Bella I banished with my cruel words and careless actions._ My heart broke and I almost burst into tears in front of her. She caught my change in mood and stared at me quizzically.

"Edward? What-" And then I was kissing her. Unplanned, unbidden, my lips found hers, my tongue caressing hers, and it was heaven. It was as if the black hole in my chest was gone, as if the last two years had never happened.

I could picture her perfectly, there on Charlie's arm, walking down the aisle towards me. Two years? It felt like a lifetime ago.

Bella broke away. "Edward!" She gasped and pushed against my chest. "Edward, I, we-"

"Bella, wait, please! I know I fucked this up. Everything was my fault, but Bella, I can't live without you. I can't breathe without you. Please, I need you." The words I had danced around for weeks finally came gushing out and I dropped to one knee. "I'll do anything, _anything_ to win you back, Isabella." My tears were flowing freely now as I took her hand in mine. "Bella," I pleaded in a whisper.

"Edward, it's not all your fault. It takes two. I made my share of mistakes." Bella looked at me reproachfully as she pulled me back to my feet.

"Please, Bella. Please…can we try again?" I stared into her eyes as my vision blurred from the tears that would not stop flowing.

"Oh, Edward!" she cried softly, her cheeks as damp as mine. Her delicate hand wiping my tears took my breath away. I waited, still not breathing, for her answer. "Yeah," she finally whispered. "Yes, we can, we _should_ try again."

My chest had begun to hurt by the time I exhaled and grabbed her. I pulled her to me and kissed her hard. My heart leapt as suddenly, she was kissing me back, her arms around my neck, and her hands in my hair. Everything in the world was right.

I couldn't get enough of her. My lips moved to her neck and I inhaled deeply. _God, I missed that._ The way she smelled, the softness of her skin, I'd missed every inch of her. "God, Bella," I whispered, before sweeping her into my arms.

She cried out in surprise and looked up at me. "No?" I asked. I went to put her back down. "Bella, this will be on your terms. I will wait as long as you want. I'd wait forever for you."

"No, wait," she said as her feet touched the ground. Her arms were still wrapped around my neck, so I straightened up and gazed into the eyes of the angel in my arms.

"Are you sure?" I asked. "There's no rush, Bella."

"I'm sure. I want to," she said, smiling softly. She kissed me gently and wiped away more tears I didn't know I had cried. "Take me to bed, Mr. Cullen."

"Yes, ma'am." I carried her into the bedroom and set her down. We were both still soaked from the rain and as I stripped off her wet clothes, she began to shiver. "Jesus, Bells, you're freezing."

"Well then, come warm me up." She laughed and quickly jumped under the covers. I grinned and had to remind myself that this wasn't dream.

I threw my wet clothes on the floor and joined her in the bed. Her skin was already warming up and as I reached out to touch her, I marveled again at how soft and delicate she was.

My fingers trembled as they found her cheek. The familiar flush spread across her face and down her neck, just brushing her creamy breasts. My breathing quickened just to see her lying beside me.

She bit her lip and her eyes fell on to the blanket that covered her. "Are you warm enough?" I whispered softly. She nodded and then inhaled sharply as I slowly pulled the blankets down, revealing her beautiful body. She looked away and I propped myself up quickly.

"Isabella." She turned back towards me but refused to meet my gaze. "Bella. Don't. Don't look away. You are the most beautiful woman in the world. It hurts me that you don't know that." She bit her lip and shifted uncomfortably. "I suppose that's my fault," I said quietly as my finger traced across her belly.

She looked at me sharply. "Edward, not everything is your fault-"

"It is. I hurt you. I was so lucky. I couldn't believe-Hell, I _still_ can't believe that you wanted me. You wanted to _marry_ me, spend your life with me. And then I-" I broke off, unable to continue and rolled away from her.

"Edward." Bella sat up and pulled herself on to my chest. She pulled my face to her and kissed me deeply. She rested her forehead against mine and her tears mingled with mine and ran down my cheeks.

"Why didn't you contest the divorce?" There. I had asked the question that had burned in the back of my mind for months. Her answer could shatter every fiber of my being and yet I felt oddly calm as I awaited my fate.

Bella sat up and looked at me thoughtfully. "Why didn't I contest it? What do you mean?"

"I told you I couldn't do it anymore and then you just left."

"Edward, you didn't want to be with me. You didn't love me anymore. I thought that that was what you wanted: me gone."

"I never stopped loving you. I just didn't know how to tell you. Then there were lawyers and judges and suddenly, we were getting a divorce and you moved in with Alice and, and…" I sat up and buried my face in my hands.

"Oh, Edward." She nestled her face into my neck and wrapped her arms around mine. "Hey." She tugged at my chin and pulled my face out of my hands. Her kiss made my groin ache and I longed to be inside of her, making love to her.

"Bella, I can't live without you. I tried. I tried to move on, to let you go. I can't be without you-" She kissed me again and I moaned. My hands caught her and I cradled her face as our tongues met.

Our mouths broke apart and I felt my heart take off as I looked into her eyes. I kissed her again and my hands moved to those perfect breasts. Her hands moved beneath the blanket and found my cock, already eager for her. She explored, running her nails up my shaft and then rubbing the head with her thumb.

I groaned and pushed her back onto the bed. One hand moved down between her legs and sought her sex. She inhaled sharply as my fingers found their destination. I slipped a finger inside of her and she moaned. Her body was almost ready for me and as I slipped a second finger into her entrance, I let my thumb brush her clit once, twice.

She cried out and bit her lip as I increased my speed. She spread her legs and pulled me closer. "Edward, take me. I need you. Please."

I straddled her and pumped my fingers harder and faster. "Oh God, yes, Edward!" Her fingers reached for my dick again and I couldn't resist any longer. I slipped my fingers out of her and positioned myself at her entrance.

I felt her gentle hands on my face wiping away a tear that I hadn't known escaped. "Take me," she whispered. "I need you."

She gasped as I filled her and I moaned at the sweetness of her enveloping me. "Bella. Oh, Bells." She spread her legs wider and propped her knees up, eager for me to go deeper. I buried myself inside of her and sought her lips again. I increased my speed as we kissed long and hard.

She moaned in my mouth as I thrust harder. Our mouths broke apart and gasping for air, I rested my cheek on against hers as we neared the climax. I felt her muscles tighten around my dick before she screamed my name. I cried out as I felt my orgasm wash over me and I collapsed on top of her.

I lay there, still inside of her, panting. I gently kissed her shoulder. I could feel her breath on my ear and her fingers laced their way through my hair as she whispered, "I love you."

I propped myself up and gently pulled myself out of her. I swept her dark hair off of her face and looked into her beautiful eyes. "Bella." I was so overcome I could not get the words out.

She smiled at me, "You love me."

"Truly, I do." I pulled her into my arms and we slept.

I propped myself up on my elbow and watched her dozing beside me. It was a wonder that the sound of my heart did not awaken her. It was pounding, threatening to burst out of my chest as I looked on my love, my life, my Bella. Unable to resist, I brushed a tendril of hair away from her face and she stirred.

"Hi," she whispered as her eyes opened slowly.

"Hi." I smiled down at her, still doubting the reality that lay next to me. "I love you." She smiled and rolled up on her elbow to face me.

"I believe you said that." She smirked at me and I felt my cheeks flush.

"Not as many times as I should have." My voice grew solemn. "Bella, there are so many things I shouldn't have said and so many times that those three words could have solved everything. I should have told you that every minute of every day and instead-"

"Edward." I felt her soft finger on my lips. "I'm to blame as well. I should have trusted you. I was stupid and-"

"No, Bella. You were right about everything. I did work too much. I was using the office as an excuse to hide from our problems and-"

"You were trying to make a better life for us, Edward." She sat up and looked at me sadly. "I see that now."

"A house in the suburbs is not worth it if it costs me my marriage." I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling. "I don't want that house without you, Bella. I lost everything that mattered to me when you left. I was stupid not to see it sooner. I would rather live in this dump," I gestured to the tiny apartment, "forever with you, than spend a single minute anywhere else without you." I looked at her and waited for her reaction.

"It's not your fault, Edward. I should have told you how I felt. I was so stressed about money and not finding a job. I was too determined to believe that I wasn't good enough for you to even see how much you loved me."

"Bella, there has _never_ been anyone else. You are my heart, my soul. I meant it, you know. _You are my life now _and you always will be."

I could see the tears forming in her eyes and I quickly reached over to brush them away. "Will you stay?" My words were cut short by the sound of her cell phone.

She rolled her eyes. "Alice." She looked at me lying there and I felt the pain in my chest begin to return as she debated her answer. "She'll kill me if I don't show up at home. _She'll _probably show up here."

I nodded numbly. I tried to hide the fact that I was struggling for air at the thought of her leaving, but she could clearly see the pain on my face.

"You have to work in the morning anyway-"

"I quit." She looked up in surprise. "You…you were right about Irina," I admitted. "I should have known. God, what a fool I was." A flash of anger crossed her face and I sat up and turned towards her. "She came on to me the day our divorce was final. I couldn't fucking believe it."

I ran my fingers through my hair and said, "You can say 'I told you so' if you'd like." She smiled softly and shook her head.

"Bella, please." My voice dropped to a whisper and I stared at the blankets pooled around us. "Please stay. I couldn't bear it if you left again."

Her phone rang again and I dropped my head into my heads.

"God Damnit, Alice," she swore. Ignoring it, she turned back to me and pulled my chin up to look into my eyes. "Edward, I have to go home and explain. She won't stop unless I go." My chest tore in two and I fought to keep the tears in. "But I'll be back."

I shook my head slowly. "Alice will-"

"Fuck Alice, Edward. I _will_ be back, I promise. You owe me every single day of forever, if you recall, and I plan to collect." Her lips pressed against mine and we kissed until we were both gasping for air.

"It's late." I gave her one more chance to change her mind but she shook her head.

"Do you still have the second key? I don't want to be locked out if you fall asleep."

I nodded. "It's in the bowl on top of my bureau." I made to get up but she was quicker than I. She grabbed the bowl, pulled the key out and laced it around her finger. As she went to put the bowl back, I heard her gasp and her expression changed.

"That belongs to you, if you ever want it back," I said quietly, knowing what she had seen. She looked at me swiftly and then her eyes were back on the bowl in her hands.

"Can I have it?" she asked. Her voice was nearly inaudible.

"It's yours," I repeated. I watched as Bella took her wedding ring out of bowl and stared at it. I wouldn't allow myself to hope that far ahead. I couldn't, not yet.

Before I could even squash the hopes that had begun to bloom inside my chest, Bella turned and walked to the edge of the bed where I still sat. "Will you put it on me?"

I wasn't sure I had heard her correctly. "What?" I breathed.

"Will you put it on me?" she asked as she handed me the ring. My fingers trembled as I took it and slowly slid it on her left hand. "Forever?"

"Every single day of forever," I swore.

Even knowing she would return it hurt to watch her go. It took a half hour before she made it to the door.

"I love you."

"I know, Edward. I love you too."

"Wait! One more kisses." She laughed and complied.

"I'll be back. I promise."

"I know. I love you."

"I have to go, Edward. Alice is going to show up here."

"Uh-huh. That's fine," I replied as I swept her into another kiss.

She broke away. "Alice! As in my sister. Remember my sister, Edward?"

"Oh." My face fell.I did remember Alice. "Okay, fine, but you'll be back?"

"I'll be back. I love you."

"I love you, too."

The silence of the apartment was overwhelming once she had gone**. **I paced the floors; every sound in the hallway made my heart leap, thinking it must be her returning. An hour passed and then another and finally, fearing I would go mad or wear holes in the floor or both, I crawled back into bed. I could still smell her on my sheets and as I rested my cheek on the pillow where only hours before her cheek had been, the emotional day took its toll on me and I fell asleep.

At 1:37 am, the phone rang and my world shattered.

••••••••

"Car accident…On her way back to his apartment…dark and rainy…killed instantly…so young…such a waste." I could hear snippets of the conversations around me but I couldn't focus long enough to take part. Emmett stood beside me, his wife Rosalie beside him as I stared down into the dark hole. I could feel Emmett's hand on my shoulder. Whether he was steadying me or keeping me from throwing myself in, I wasn't sure.

I blinked and everyone else was gone. It was just Emmett and I alone with the cold marble and the fresh earth. He stepped back to give me a moment and my fingers felt the cold touch of metal in my pocket. I withdrew my hand and looked down.

I watched the silver ring dance before my eyes as tears came rushing on. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat and fought the tears with every ounce of my being but it was useless. My cheeks were already damp even as I attempted to drag my gaze away from the ring. The pain was too much. I couldn't bear it any longer, but I could not tear my eyes from it. The small diamond was so much less than she deserved, but it was all that four months worth of saving could afford. The white gold band with the inscription y_ou are my life now_ on the inside glinted in the sun. But that life was over now. I knew this now, knew it more completely than I had known anything in my 24 years.

My chest felt as if it would break in two and finally, unsure of another choice, I embraced the darkness that threatened to engulf my chest.

"This is yours," I said as I placed the ring on Bella's gravestone, "for every single day of forever." Turning away from the wedding ring that was the only piece left of she who had been my joy, my breath, my life, I walked away.


End file.
